Before boarding my first flight, I saw this woman. Caked-on makeup, a pink track suit, cleavage exploding out of her shirt showing off a tattoo. All I could think was "I hope she isn't on my plane." She was. And she sat right next to me. I intended to read Girl, Interrupted. She talked to me for the duration of the flight instead, oblivious to the fact that I was trying to read. I said very little but she continued to talk. She was both comical and sad to me. She straddled my legs with her chest shoved in my face and explained "I swear I'm not bisexual or anything." I watched her snort a pill that she said was to prevent her from getting sick from her other medicine. She told me she had cervical cancer and was undergoing chemotherapy. She told me all about her boyfriend who treats her like crap and how she had 2 abortions at age 17. The way she flaunted herself suggests she loves her life, but the stories she told me said otherwise. This was clearly a woman who just needed someone to listen, regardless of if they had advice to offer or were even listening. The only things I said the whole time were "I'm going to New York" and "what kind of cancer is it?" When we landed in North Carolina, we both rushed off the plane to catch out next flight. No nice to meet you. No have a good life. I don't even know what her name is. And I can't stop thinking about this woman. She was so strange. So willing to offer up the details of her personal life. Part of me thinks she must be very self-absorbed to talk continually about herself to a person she doesn't know, without even asking about their own life. But part of me thinks she is really sad, and lonely. If I had to describe her with a word, I would call her broken.
So now I'm home and things feel strange. I feel like complaining about the lack of space, lack of privacy, how cluttered everything is, how I am irritated by people's schedules, how I don't even belong at my church anymore, how I miss being at school, and so forth. But I feel like that would be wasting a lot of energy to be so frustrated so I'm trying not to feel that way.
I was feeling angry tonight at my church's lessons and carols. I don't know most of these people. Why is it so cold in here? I want more than just songs. I want a sermon. I miss Rock Creek. And so forth. Once we started singing my feelings settled. I really love Christmas hymns. My distracted mind began to think about how broken we all are. I started noticing how all the original arrangements to the songs sounded somber. Why should songs about the birth of Jesus sound so sad? Because we're broken. Because we need Him. I started thinking about the woman on the airplane, and my own feelings of loneliness and frustration.
A vocalist performed Lo, How A Rose E'er Blooming. Again, I was struck by how somber it sounded. Then I noticed one a pastor's wife crying. She was blotting her eyes with her scarf and her 4 year old son was looking at her with confusion. I tried to figure out why she was crying. Maybe she's having a rough week and is feeling overwhelmed. Maybe the song just sounded so beautiful that she felt like crying. Maybe its her favorite Christmas hymn and she thinks the lyrics are really moving. Or maybe she was overwhelmed by the magnitude of the greatness of the birth of our Savior, and her undying need for Him. Maybe she was overwhelmed by her brokenness. I think thats why she was crying. I think thats why sometimes I feel lonely. I think thats why the woman on the plane needed so badly to talk to someone. We are all broken people and we desperately need to be redeemed.
The last song we sang was Joy to the World. It sounded cheerful and happy. Jesus' birth is a cheerful and happy thing. We need not be overwhelmed with sadness. We should rejoice in His name.
May God's love be with you. Always.
no more let sins and sorrows grow. nor thorns infest the ground. he comes to make his blessings flow. far as the curse is found.
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