thirty-nine.

This week I have been incredibly encouraged by friends and family. I have felt very loved, but also felt very lonely. It's been a tough week. And I know people mean well when they say things like "do you need anything?" but the problem is that I don't know what I need.

In Wednesday, in Doctrine, we were talking about faith. We talked in depth about Hebrews 11. It tells us the stories of how God showed faithfulness to His people in hard times and they responded in faith. Faith isn't just some self-generated thing. We can't just say "I need to have faith." We aren't supposed to create heroes out of Abraham, Moses, etc. but instead we should notice how God was there for them when they faced hardship. By no means am I trying to compare my hardships to theirs, but life has been tough lately. I know God is at work through all of this even though it's messy and I don't get it. I can't see how everything will work out alright right now. I want to trust God and I want to be faithful, but I feel like I've been trying to pull away from everything. But when I'm thinking "where is God?" I should be thinking about how faithful God has been in the past. I need to hold on and trust with everything I've got.

Hebrews 11 should be a comfort. We can see God's assurance in the present and future because of His faithfulness in the past. I have to say, this was one of my favorite class lectures so far. I heard everything I didn't want to hear, which was everything I desperately needed to hear.

Faith. I'll be working on that one.